Dogs with no noses are famous for their comedy value. Less well known is the following joke:
Man* 1:My dog rolls around in stinking refuse
Man 2: How does he smell
Man 1: With his nose
Incidentally the “no nose joke” was the most popular out of a range of unfunny jokes such as:
Man 1: My dog has no liver
Man 2: how does he detoxify his blood and synthesise proteins?
Man 1: Badly
And the one most relevant to snake like dogs…
Man 1: My dog has no legs
Man 2: How does he run?
Man 1: Awfully
These dogs can be easily trained, but they take the command “heel” to be a bit insensitive.
(* Women would not waste their time with crap jokes**)
(** Not when there are jobs around the house to do)
This creature has evolved to counter predators who are addicted to chicken drumsticks.
Being legless it wakes you up every morning but there is little point trying to chase it away.
At times Shanghai sounds a bit like entertainment from the late 70s early 80s, in particular Bob Carolgees and Spit the Dog.
There is a good reason for this… Internal moisture harbours all sorts of germs. So in China feel free to spit out any moisture phlegm and anything else you can to keep your insides clear and the germs in the outside world where they can run free.
Set the H1N1 free
Nobody can ever go through life without asking themselves what would a monkey look like if he had no arms or legs. I am pleased to present my response to that age old and often asked question:
This is biologically weird, blue trees are very rare
New Page : Grauniad Comment
These are good times to be an expat worker. You get the perks (for example not living in a bankrupt part of the world) but also due to the internet you can keep abreast of events at home.
For example you can look at the comment page of the Grauniad to find out what you should be thinking if you want to be right on. You see that it is ok to be offensive and insulting as long as you are insulting the right people.
You can also play the “Comment is Free, Daily Mail drinking game”. Take turns reading a users comment, take 1 shot for every mention of the Daily Mail (you will be plastered in no time and in A&E being stomach pumped as long as you play the game before the evil tories have killed the NHS and fed it to their evil banker friends in the city).
Of course the Daily Mail is far worse, that goes without saying (although is constantly being said). Unless of course you think the comments that pretend to be highbrow and accurate are possibly as dangerous than those that are obviously way out there…
Those who know some chinese may have been told that mama huhu means so-so; however it is obvious to most other people that Mama Huhu is a buxom and very welcoming woman…
"Come on boys, I am like a tiger in the sack and you can ride me like a horse..."
Sometimes it is hard in the hustle and bustle of modern life to find somewhere away from it all to play on all those apps on your fancy phone. Why not get away from it all and go to a movie and play Angry Birds Star Wars or even just phone a friend…
If yet another phone goes off you might just prefer a life drifting through oceans in a boat with a tiger...
A good game when flying into Pudong is to try to guess when you will hear the clunk of an unfastening seat belt. Although it is generally accepted that for safety reasons passengers ought to keep their belts fastened until the plane has taxied to the gate and come to a complete stop.
Like the first cuckoo of spring the first undone seat belt ushers in your return to earth, and is usually can be heard at the same time the reverse thrust kicks in to slow the plane down on the runway. Most seat belts are undone as the plane turns off the runway.
Welcome to Pudong...
Following the horse in the Chinese Zodiac is the Ram. A legless ram or sheep is known as a cloud, and can often be seen flying in the sky…
Common species of legless sheep are cumulus (from the latin for legless sheep) and cumulonimbus (from the latin for nimble legless sheep).
Beware of the Cumulonimbus legless sheep who when threatened can attack with bolts of lightning
Breakfast At Tiffany’s is a curious film (no doubt of course the book is better). Some who have seen it may be puzzled by the song Moon River.
As we know there are no rivers on the moon, there is as far as I can work out, only possible explanation for this song…
I'm crossing this river in style someday...